Sometimes, you need to write about what hurts to make yourself stronger.


What am I? I was created to fool you, and the fool always goes with the liar. I come in many forms, although I am invisible to those who don’t know me. I bet you’ve encountered me more than once, only you didn’t know it.  I’m that good at remaining unseen.

Those who do know me hate the very essence of my being. I fool even them sometimes until it’s almost too late.   I’m not evil outright, at least I don’t set out to be, it’s just the nature of who I am. I can’t apologize because I didn’t choose to be this thing, this horrible, incredible thing.
Once upon a time I didn’t exist.  Life was good before I came to be.  How I was created remains a mystery, even to me. You can try and get rid of me, but rarely will I go.  I may hide for awhile, and just when things are great BOOM! I’m back always by your side.

I’ll try to ruin you, I’ll try to end you. You will fight me and you will succeed…For awhile, but like I said I’ll always be there hiding in the shadows. I’m so bad, I’ll make you lie to everyone, even strangers at times just to make things easier for them. You won’t like it but you won’t have any choice. 
You’ll curse the day I entered your existence. Your family and friends will curse me to.  They want me gone but don’t know how to get rid of me. You’ll hear “have you tried this?” or “what about that?” You’ll start resenting them for not understanding, when really you resent yourself for being too weak to fight me yourself. They will start to think I am only in your head, now I’ve made you crazy.

There will be times when I’m weak, and you think I’ve gone.  You’ll celebrate and life will be good once again.  Just remember, I’m always waiting for that one weak moment when I can strike, and I’ll be back, probably stronger than ever.
You’ll turn to others who have friends like me for support.  You’ll compare notes, you’ll try new things, but believe me when I tell you, we are rarely the same for anyone. 

I am not your friend. I suck the life out of you, and then give it back slowly in spurts.  I take what I need from you and sometimes never give it back. You get weaker and weaker while I get stronger. 

I have taken control of you. I remain unseen so people think you’re a whiner, or a faker.  You’re a drama queen complaining all the time until everyone you love is tired of hearing it, or they just don’t believe you.  You look normal, beautiful at times.  Nobody can see the depths of my affect on you, so I must not exist. 

I can strike you down in the blink of an eye.  One minute you’re fine, the next you’re exhausted or in pain.  Maybe I control how you breathe or walk.  Perhaps I’ve robbed you of time spent with your children, or having children in general. But since you look fine, maybe I’m not as bad as you make me out to be.  Maybe you have gone crazy. 

You can try to fight me, you can use what has worked for others.  What works for some may not work for you.  You can to change your entire lifestyle.  It won’t work. You can pretend that I don’t exist.  But I do. I am that bad, I am evil.  I am an invisible illness. 

I am lupus, Fibromyalgia, Sarcoidosis, Chrohn’s, Anxiety, Depression, and all of the other diseases that are invisible to those not afflicted.

You are smarter and stronger now that you know what I am.  Unfortunately for me, you are your own warrior and you will try to defeat me. You probably won’t succeed, however now that you have declared war on me you will never give up the fight.  You are someone who may be down, but will never be out.

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